List number three comes from Thomas Sheridan, from his website and his book, Puzzling People: The Labyrinth of the Psychopath. I’d like his book better with some editing and some filling-out in some parts, and source citations or some indication of which parts are his own opinion. I was not very interested in the psychopathic corporation/government aspect of the book, since I purchased it due to a personal relationship. Much of what he presents can be found on the internet, which I noticed after more internet reading, but I like that he’s put together a list that is not clinical.
Sheridan presents five absolute traits and a cluster of secondary or relative traits. The five absolute traits are:
- No remorse
- Invented personas to manipulate others
- Using pity to manipulate and trap victims
- A mysterious or cryptic past
- High testosterone levels
My psychopath had no remorse; he was never sorry.
My psychopath invented a persona just for me, and he had one for his family with a slightly different one for his children, one for work, and one for his friends on facebook. He probably had one for in-person friends, but I only saw that in passing since he didn’t spend time with friends when I was around.
The pity was definitely his thing and he used it to get everything he could. I got him a job, paid for all kinds of things, loaned him money, took care of him when he was sick, bought presents for his family, etc. out of pity. He expected pity and he sulked if all he got from me was the pity. Of course he would use that as a source of pity in others. He wanted pity from everyone, even if it was just for attention.
I couldn’t piece together his past; he presented events, people, and jobs without any kind of time frame or sense of order or connection, so it made no sense chronologically.
I don’t know about the high testosterone and I’m not sure about its place in the absolutes. I haven’t done any of my own research. I will say my psychopath was ape-like, balding, and impulsive.
This is Thomas Sheridan’s list of secondary traits that I copied from his website. I left his links intact so you can follow them to see what else he has to say. He claims “Understanding and applying these will go a long way to help you distinguish between psychopaths and everyday, run-of-the-mill obnoxious creeps and charlatans”. He says not all psychopaths will have all the things on the list. I’ll put my comments in italics, pink italics. The list begins:
Sexual Promiscuity/Asexuality/One Night Stands
(appears to have learned all they know about sex from watching pornography) Still not talking about sex!
Staggering Levels of Double Standards and Hypocrisy/Projection
(projects their own faults onto others—accuses the target of doing to the psychopath what the psychopath is doing to them) NEVER SAYS ‘SORRY’. He projected his faults on me (no imagination) and my son (he’s just lazy). He accused his future sister-in-law of ‘latching on’ to his brother ‘because she needed to be taken care of’ but that was completely different from him wanting me to take care of him. Plenty of double standards and hypocrisy.
Narcissism/Boastfulness and a Sense of Being Born for a Special Purpose
(expects to be praised constantly and will praise themselves if they do not get it from others) My psychopath didn’t claim he was born for a special purpose, but he definitely saw himself as being above doing menial work or anything that might cause him to get dirty. He would expect praise for doing anything, as if opening a can or a box for a meal was a great accomplishment. He expected praise for childish, clumsily made projects. He praised himself and bragged constantly.
History of Brief or Failed Relationships Ending Badly
(gets engaged/married on impulse—always blames the other person for the relationship failing—if relationship is long-term, this means they have the perfect enabler) Two divorces, one definitely ended badly. I was an excellent enabler but I had nothing on his mother. It’s sad that it seems to me now that she was trying to pawn him off on me.
Fight or Flight Response
(poor stress tolerance—can’t debate—insults and lashes out) Definitely no debating, just sulking or staring or avoidance, except for the occasional temper tantrum. He couldn’t keep up his side of an argument.
Camera Persona(s)
(sneers, poses or smirks or ‘looks away’ when being photographed) My psychopath didn’t want his picture taken. He sent me some selfies early on but never wanted me to take his picture unless he was wearing a stupid hat or making a face.
Eyes Sometimes Dead and Lifeless
(coupled with a hypnotic stare—eyes can also dart around from left to right when scheming) Very often a disturbing intense predatory stare when challenged or refused a request. My psychopath had empty eyes sometimes, but I got the predatory stare every time I said something he didn’t like or when he refused to actually argue. The darting eyes I saw the first time I met him and I would see them every once in a while after that. He was probably scheming, given what we were talking about when his eyes were darting.
Needing, at Most, 4—5 Hours of Sleep at Night
(sleeping aids, prescriptions and alcohol used to extend their sleeping periods or to avoid boredom) This one, not so much. He fell asleep almost instantly and slept like a rock.
Faking Cancer or Other Serious Illness
(shaving their heads, eyebrows and body hair to fool people—will set up charities and fund-raising events—harvesting pity—looking for heroic recognition) The closest my psychopath got to this was exaggerating minor illness.
Does not Dream, or Fabricates Unrealistic Dream Stories
(reduced complex cognitive processes in and around the frontal areas of the brain) He didn’t talk about dreams or dreaming. I’m not sure he ever got into REM sleep much, but he had apnea.
Constantly Looking and Acting Busy for no Apparent Reason
(moving around, traveling here and there for no apparent reason—busy, busy, busy) He was more of a potato at home. At work he tried to look busier than he was, but that was for an apparent reason.
Leaves their Target Abandoned and Alone for Hours on End
(will bring target to a party in a room full of strangers and then leave them on their own) He would do this. On weekends he preferred to ignore me until he wanted to be fed.
Highly Unreliable/Broken Promises
(makes highly ambitious plans, then changes them—makes promises and never follows through) He would say he was going to do something great or special for me and then not do it or even acknowledge he said so. He broke promises and he’d not do even little things he said he would.
Constantly Trying to Correct Others’ Opinions
(font of all knowledge—arrogant ‘know it all’—always has to have the last word, usually an insult. VERY passive aggressive.) My psychopath was totally passive aggressive. He also knew more that other people, whether they were educated or experienced or not.
Crocodile Tears and Unconvincing Emotional Responses, Superficial Laughter
(‘Gentle Soul’ personal with ham acting—pretending to wipe/dry their eyes—rooted in frustration, not sorrow) He didn’t have emotional responses, except getting angry. He didn’t usually even pretend emotional responses. There was plenty of superficial laughter. He had a laugh he used when he wanted other people to think what he said was funny. It didn’t work.
Extreme and Obvious Flattery, Emulating and Sycophantic Behaviour
(when targeting/scheming: whatever they think you want to hear and see, they will say and do it) The flattery I got became extreme, but it didn’t start out that way. He would back off if I accused him of sucking up. The flattery ended with his idealization of me. The emulation I did see. If I acted a certain way or talked in a weird voice he would, too, and if I stopped, so did he.
Lovebombing
(releases large amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine, while reducing serotonin within the target’s brain) I got lots of lovebombing before we were engaged. Later I think it was just stringing me along.
Word Salad
(overly complex speech and writing in order to look clever—often makes no sense—contradictory from one sentence to the next) He tried to use big words and make complex sentences but his vocabulary was pretty limited so he didn’t sound very clever. His writing was worse, like he was trying too hard to come across as intelligent.
Claims to be the Only Person who Really Relates to Target
(in order to begin socially isolating them from their support network of family/friends) He didn’t claim anything like this, but he did try to isolate me.
Sets the Agenda—Never Meets Anyone Halfway
(announces, never discusses—gives orders, never asks—dictates, both overtly and subtly) My psychopath wanted to be the boss. He would tell me we were going to a birthday party instead of asking me to go. He tried to tell me what to do at work when he was supposed to be doing things for me.
Obsessed with the Latest Pharmaceuticals/ Hypochondriac
(can include healthy eating obsessions which never last) Something that wasn’t him!
Has no Real Creative Talent
(can only copy—can’t innovate or be original) My psychopath didn’t have real creative talent. He didn’t copy well, either, but he tried.
Energy Vampirism
(when in a long-term relationship, working with or living with, will drain the life energy out of you—long-term partners age faster and develop serious health issues.) I didn’t develop serious health issues, but I felt worn out for about three years. Those were the years after we were engaged. A lot of it I think had to do with his expecting me to keep doing everything I did in the beginning, at the same level or more, while his contributions kept getting smaller and smaller.
Claims to be Independent/Maverick
(but in reality is completely dependent on enablers to supply him/her with basic living needs) My psychopath acted like he was independent, as if he could take care of himself. He lived in his parents’ basement for years before I met him, and living weekdays at my house for two years was as close as he got to being independent.
Predatory Instincts
(excellent at reading people and social situations in order to exploit them—finding and using emotional ‘triggers’) He could read people and exploit them, but not people he didn’t know. He liked to use emotional triggers to start arguments so he could sit and stare at me, or ignore me for days.
Easily Takes Offence
(will often harbour a grudge for years and then produce it out of the blue in order to confuse the target, often as a deflective tactic during an argument) He took offense very easily. He would drag only a couple choice issues out of the past to use against me. He was more likely to make statements like “you hate my children” or “so you know everything” or “nothing’s good enough for you”, but those were only for those special occasions when he decided to not just sulk and stare at me, when he wanted me to feel extra guilty.
Gifts Designed to ‘Buy You’ or to Mould You in a Certain Way
(their own personal taste in clothes—will use gifts to ‘improve’ you) My psychopath only did this a little, mostly because he didn’t buy me much. He would still try to convince me to buy socks like his, or that I needed some special brand of shirt like he had, and things like that.
Can’t Handle Criticism
(becomes highly defensive when confronted with their own behaviour—they are perfect) He was definitely bad at handling criticism even if it was something little, like putting the lid down so the dog wouldn’t drink out of the toilet. He was still mad when I said the reason the dog couldn’t drink out of the toilet was the automatic bowl cleaner he put in the tank. He would take suggestions and advice as criticism and get just as mad.
Easily Bored
(cured with con-artistry, promiscuity, alcoholism and/or drug abuse to alleviate the boredom) My psychopath would get bored all the time, but mostly he played video games, played with his phone or fell asleep. He even got caught several times sleeping at work.
Does Not ‘Get’ Clever Satire/Complex Humour
Laughs when they see other laugh. Child-like sense of humour at best. He had a simple sense of humor. You could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t ‘get’ a joke, but he would laugh anyway if someone else did.
Pathological Lying
(lies instinctually, even when telling the truth would be the better option—can’t accept blame—will say ‘sorry‘ that the target is hurt, but not actually be sorry for hurting them) This was definitely my psychopath. Once he started getting sloppy it was painfully obvious that he had been lying from the beginning about all kinds of things. One of the last conversations I had with him was less than five minutes long and was just one lie after another.
Feels They are Entitled to the Best of Everything and Expects to be Indulged
(only says ‘thank you’ to make a good impression on potential targets—soon afterwards stops and complains they are not being indulged or waited upon quick enough) My psychopath had a huge sense of entitlement. He thought he deserved a raise and a promotion even though he wouldn’t accept more responsibility. He thought he deserved expensive gifts. I cut back one Christmas and only spent about $75 on him and he thought he was neglected. I made sure his children got gifts, and all his nieces and nephews, and his parents, and I made sure his name was on there with mine so he wouldn’t look like a jerk, but HE was neglected because I didn’t run up my credit card balance enough. He spent $1 on me that year! He thought he deserved cookies and pies from scratch on a regular basis, regardless of whether he helped around the house. He thought the same thing about meals, that he deserved special food that took hours to prepare. My mother said he wanted everything handed to him and everything done for him. I disagreed, until his share of work and responsibility dropped off to nothing while his demands stayed the same, and, in some cases, increased.
Exploits Friends, Parents, the Elderly or Handicapped
(money, free rent, altering of wills) One word: freeloader.
Claims to have a Special Relationship with God (Spiritual Narcissism) or Extreme Atheist
(both are just belief packages the psychopath will use to impress others) Another characteristic that doesn’t describe my psychopath.
Claims to be a Spy, Assassin, Special Forces Personnel or other Clandestine Agent
(will collect military and other similar memorabilia—fake medals and combat awards) He had stories about being in Europe when records showed him to be somewhere in the US and saving a general in somewhere in Asia, but he didn’t claim to be a spy or anything like that.
Twists Conversations and Meanings of Things to Suit Agenda
(diverts conversation to gain moral or intellectual higher ground—when stumped, changes the subject or gets angry) I think this goes along with my psychopath’s inability to argue or debate.
Uses Dysfluencies More than Most (i.e., ‘umms’, ‘ahhs’, etc)
(does not listen to what others say after the Idealisaton stage because the psychopath does not care) The most ‘umms’ and ‘ahhs’ he used all at once happened when he proposed. Usually, instead of using those, there would be a big, empty pause in a conversation, maybe to avoid using them. If I didn’t ask a yes/no question, I could count to five slowly before he started his response. Maybe he was just slow to process, maybe he was scheming.
He might have been just a regular jerk, but I don’t think so. At one point, right after he left, I thought ‘long con’ but it didn’t make sense because he should have been GONE. Instead, he kept working at the job I got him, going out of his way to irritate me. He drove by my house, rummaged through my mail box, and I saw him drive by my mother’s house every Sunday around the time he was supposed to take his children back to their mother. My mother’s house is ten minutes in the other direction and it’s not between any of his family’s houses, either. I saw him every Sunday until it got dark too early to see him, so it was for about six months, but probably longer, because I saw him on Thanksgiving, too. I doubt most jerks would keep it up that long, and I think a stalker would have escalated. So, psychopath he remains.